Alien Manifesto (3 page)

“
Thank you for getting me
out of that jam,” I said. “But I am afraid that is not my kind of
thing. I have decided that I am not a professional thief, nor do I
want to be. There is no honor in stealing. Last night at the dock
was my first attempt at a life of crime. I don’t think that kind of
life would suit me, I was only in it for the money,” I
answered.

“
You might change your mind
when you find out who it isss that I want you to sssteal from,”
hissed Snarth softly. “I will pay you more money than you can
ssspend in a life of luxury on Earth.”

“
I don’t think so,” I
answered. “Listen, it’s been fun, now if you will kindly return me
to Earth I will be on my way.”
Return me
to earth,
I marveled at how easily that
phrase came to mind and passed so effortlessly off my
lips.

“
It’sss ssShorty,” Snarth
hissed in a low tone. “You sssee, I am not the only one to recruit
from Earth. Unfortunately for ssShorty’s bossss, my former
busssinessss assssociate, he chossse ssShorty. It alssso got him
disssintegrated, leaving ssShorty in control of hisss operation and
me out of a great deal of profit. You and ssShorty were friendsss
once. I want you to reacquaint yourssself with him, get him to make
a missstake. It might sssave hisss life. I am not the only one who
wantsss the artifact and the othersss are not azsss civilized azsss
I am. If they find out he hasss the artifact, they will jussst kill
him and take it. Then I won’t get my profit back. ssSo you sssee my
boy, that placesss you in a rather unique bargaining posssition,”
Snarth hissed in explanation, with what I had come to recognize as
a large Snarth grin.

“
How did Shorty get to
wherever he is?” I asked Snarth.

“
Like I sssaid, I am not
the only busssinessssman to recruit from Earth. I however, have
much higher ssstandardsss for my teammatesss. I warned Cal’vin that
ssShorty wasss dangerousss but he did not lisssten and he paid the
price,” Snarth hissed in answer.

“
Can I have some time to
think about it?” I asked Snarth. “After all, it’s my ass if he
finds out. Besides, who is to say Shorty will even recognize me or
accept me into his organization? And just for the record, Shorty
and I were never friends,” I finished flatly, remembering each and
every beat down Shorty had given me at the orphanage, a long
repressed rage beginning to build inside.
A rage I thought I had conquered long ago. I knew that if I
ever saw Shorty again I would kill him slowly and painfully. I was
not that out of control child anymore, striking out in anger; my
fighting skills were now honed to a razor’s edge and proven in
combat.
Visions of what I would do to
Shorty’s face danced through my mind.
Perhaps the time to settle that score was finally
here.

“
That isss exactly why I
need you,” Snarth exclaimed, glossing over that last little fact.
“Like I sssaid, I will pay you more money than you can ssspend in a
lifetime of luxury on Earth. Take your time to decide. I don’t need
an anssswer before morning,” Snarth hissed, smiling with another
one of his vigorous grins, as Tasha walked into the room. He left
us alone, again.

I remember thinking, much later, that
if this was a life of luxury, sign me up for a full tour. With a
mech servant to cook your meal and clean your clothes, good beer,
good smoke and a life that was easy. However, the “fresher” was the
true wonder on this ship. It was a completely automated bathroom.
It was a little strange at first but really cool after
that.

In the morning, as if on cue, Snarth
appeared. “What isss your anssswer, Human Tom? I have other
candidatesss to processss if you refussse. I have waited long
enough. I mussst know your anssswer, now,” Snarth insisted solemnly
and now all business.

Bowing deeply from my waist
to him I answered, “First let me thank you for your excellent
hospitality. You have fine tastes in pleasures of all sorts. I
accept your generous offer. I have a long-standing grudge to settle
with Shorty. If I can help a new friend and settle an old score at
the same time then all the better.”
I was
appealing to Snarth’s sense of larceny and honor at the same time,
not that I needed to. After all, he recruited me.
Tasha had been coaching me in galactic etiquette
and social graces.

Bowing in return and with another
enormous Snarth smile he said, “Excellent, excellent indeed. Now we
will join the ressst of the team.” Leaning into the console at his
elbow Snarth hissed, “Captain, take usss straight to my essstate
with all hassste.”

“
Yes sir,” croaked a
mechanical voice in response.

“
Do try and get it right
thisss time,” Snarth hissed back. Seeing my worried look Snarth
smiled and said, “Nothing to worry about, my boy. The sssafetiesss
are engaged on the guidance sssyssstem, I hope,” he hissed with
what I would come to know as one of his sly smiles.

Then the room suddenly began to swim
and I went down, everything disappearing into a swirling
blackness.

“
Nothing to worry about, my
boy,” hissed Snarth, leaning over me waving some foul smelling
ampule under my nose as I regained consciousness, lying flat on the
deck.

“
Happensss to all of usss
on the firssst time we fold ssspace,” he hissed. “It hasss to do
with your equilibrium and time sssenssse. You will get usssed to it
sssoon enough. We will be arriving at my essstate sssoon. Then you
will meet the other membersss of the team. A few wordsss of advice,
don’t mention the Irishman’s nossse, it isss very large and he isss
quite sssensssitive about it. If you do, it will lead to trouble.
Alssso, sssteer clear of the canine; he hasss a bit of a nasssty
temper when he isss hungry if he doesssn’t know you. Don’t worry my
boy, once they accept you azsss part of the team you all will get
along fine,” Snarth assured me with a pat on the back, as he helped
me back on my feet.

“
Accept me?” I asked, as I
shook off the remnants of whatever that awful smelling stuff
was.

“
Yesss, after tryoutsss and
basssic weaponsss training, that isss if you sssurvive it.” Snarth
hissed. “Did I forget to mention tryoutsss? Nothing much my boy,
jussst a ssseriesss of testsss, endurance, adaptability, ssstealth
and mossst of all, honor. You will do fine; after all you passssed
ssS.E.A.L. training did you not? Think of thisss azsss training in
advanced weaponsss with expert inssstructorsss. Oh come now, no
glum face, thisss will be fun. Trust me!” Snarth hissed, his hands
up in a friendly gesture, with what must pass for his best
shit-eating, tentacle wiggling, grin on his face.

Despite my apprehension, I
was looking forward to some new training. I had gotten soft and
slow hanging around those former associates of mine. I could use
some exercise and new training.

Note to
self
, the next time Snarth says, “Thisss
will be fun, trussst me,” smack him in the tentacles.
Comparing this training to S.E.A.L. training is
like comparing a full-grown African lion to a large house cat. I
have never been so bushed in all my life. It was worse than hell
week most of the time.

~

Each day was ten solid hours of
weapons drills. Not only with weapons I was familiar with using,
but swords, bows, crossbows and knives. This was followed by hours
of physical training and had been my life for the past three
months. All the training was starting to pay off. I had finally
beaten the Irishman, the only other human in Snarth’s employment,
in marksmanship and graduated to physical combat with the canine
fight master. Next, I will be stealth training with a feline
stealth master.

During my first training
session with the canine fight master, I ended up sprawled out on
the training mat. I struggled to hold onto consciousness after
having received a particularly nasty roundhouse kick, straight to
the head, compliments of the canine fight master. A kick so hard I
would have lost teeth if not for the training helmet and mouthpiece
I was wearing. As I struggled to regain my senses, I heard the
advice of my sensei, a whisper inside of my poor boggled
brain.
The one who is arrogant in his
strength and skill will pause at the moment of truth to brag, that
is when he is most vulnerable, that is when you must
strike.

Sure enough, the canine was confident
in his dominance of a mere human and he paused to pound his chest
and howl in boast. I rolled left and threw a right leg kick at the
back of his knees, connecting; bringing him down to my level. I
followed with a perfect left leg uppercut kick to the chin,
knocking him backward. Then, putting some distance between us, I
back flipped, landing into my fighting stance.

The canine fight master was badly
dazed when he landed at the edge of the training mat. Much to
Snarth’s amusement, when he walked into the gym, he saw the canine
fight master flat on his back, just like I had been a minute ago. I
bet the canine fight master would not make that mistake
again.

“
Well ssstruck my boy, well
ssstruck. You will pay for it when he getsss up, but enjoy your
victory for now,” he hissed from the side of the training mat while
clapping loudly.

Pay for it I did, spending the next
twenty-four hours in the bacta tank, regrowing the broken rib and
healing the bruises I sustained when the angry and very embarrassed
canine fight master resumed my training. Nevertheless, I had earned
his respect and proved I could take a beating. I didn’t know it
then but the canine and I would become the best of
friends.

The next few phases went quickly as it
was mostly review with new tools. The last and most difficult phase
was stealth. I had no idea what to expect. A feline stealth master
taught it. One who could not be heard or touched, not even by the
expertise and enhanced senses of the canine fight master. As I
studied, I began to understand the art and philosophy of stealth.
It reminded me of Earth martial arts, on steroids. Soon I excelled,
surpassing all the other team members.

The last step in stealth training was
the final test. I must steal a preselected object from each of my
instructors without being caught. I must be silent and invisible
otherwise I would fail.

I easily retrieved the first three
objects from the canine fight master, the Irishman and Snarth. Now
it was time to steal the last object from the stealth master
himself. I selected a personal anti-grav glider for my acquisition
of the last object. It was small, silent, and camouflaged, and
perfect for the task at hand.

All my anti-detection devices were on
and functioning properly, special clothing to hide my scent,
another one made me invisible by bending light around me as I
moved; I was ready, or so I thought. As I entered what I thought
were the empty quarters of the feline master, I froze. Surprised by
the feline master’s presence, I struggled to control my heart rate
and breathing. The sensors had said this room was empty.

He was seated on the floor in deep
meditation, still as a stone statue, his eyes closed, and his
ever-twitching tail motionless, curled around his legs. The object
I had to steal lay on the floor in front of him. Slowly so as not
to create air currents, I inched toward the motionless master. I
slowly lowered the anti-grav sled. Carefully, slowly, I stretched
out my camouflaged arm to claim my prize.

The feline master mewed
ever so softly: “I can feel your presence young one. The penalty
for failure in this trial is death.” I froze, not daring to
breathe, and waited. My heart was hammering in my chest. Only
inches left to go, surely he could not sense my presence. I knew I
could not be seen or smelled, so careful was my camouflage.
He must only suspect I am here,
I had stifled any reaction that might give me
away, slowing my heart and breathing.
Cautious, I must be cautious; I have come too far to fail by
being careless.

Seconds of stillness turned into
minutes then slowly hours passed. I willed myself to be a stone,
silent and unmoving. I concentrated only on slowing my breathing
and heart rate, trying to be undetectable. Suddenly, and as silent
as a rising puff of smoke, the feline master floated to his feet.
He picked up the object, locking it away for safekeeping in a
secret compartment in the wall behind him. And just as suddenly and
silently, he was gone.

What a stroke of
luck,
I thought.
A few minutes’ wait and it will be mine.
My heart sped up a beat in anticipation. As I started to turn
towards the cabinet, the hair on the back of my neck stood up and I
could feel the master’s gaze boring into the back of my head. He
had returned. Only now, he was camouflaged as well. I could feel
him, his intensity even while cloaked, and see him in my mind’s
eye. Silently I let my anti-grav skid float up to the ceiling, and
I waited, not daring to breathe. I had not fallen into the trap of
fear and it had saved me, again, maybe.

As I watched, the master materialized
under me, deactivating his camouflage, obviously satisfied as to
the object’s safety. As the master left his quarters, I realized I
had remained undetected. Now was not the time to get cocky. I
carefully retrieved the object and headed for my quarters,
triumphant, with my prize in tow.