A Plain Love Song (6 page)

“Yep. We had to get blueprints, but we did it.”

“What did Luke say about that?”

“You know Luke. He says we need to meet them halfway. Seems like we’ve been doing that since we moved here, but it isn’t our way to make a big stink about anything.”

He chuckled, a sound that never failed to make her smile too. “What’s so funny?”

“Reminds me of the sheriff giving us a big stink over not having a contract to carry off the waste from the outhouses at the school. I thought he would faint when he realized we use the waste to fertilize our crops. A big stink. Get it?”

“You’re so silly.” Leave it to Matthew to try to lighten the conversation. “Why don’t we just do what they ask?”

“We’ve used human waste on our fields for generations and no one has ever objected. Besides, we don’t sign contracts with Englischers.”

“We’ve never had septic tanks or leach beds for the laundry and bathwater either.”

“Luke is trying to placate them. Give in on some things so they’ll give in on others.”

“I don’t think Englisch laws work that way. They apply to everyone all the time. No exceptions.” The world around them continued to encroach on their way of life. The sound of the iPod crunching under Daed’s heel echoed in her head again. “And now Emma and Katie have to have a permit and go through inspections to sell their jams and jellies at the food stand on the highway.”

“They can’t even have the food stand on the highway anymore. They had to back it up a ways. The sheriff said people slowing down to gawk at us might cause an accident. The sales have gotten so slow, they’ve decided to look for a place in town where we can sell the goods. Open a store.”

Adah thought of the accident just outside of Bliss Creek that had killed Luke and Emma Shirack’s parents. The sheriff might have a point, but she didn’t voice the thought aloud. “Who would run it?
The men all have farms to think about. Simon already has his blacksmith place and William runs the leather goods store.”

“The women. Emma and my mudder have asked permission to share the duties with the other women in the community. Thomas, Luke, and Silas have agreed to it. The women will take turns working…if they can find the store space and get it at a price we can afford.”

The women working in their own store. Another step toward the world. How could they not see her music the same way? “I can’t believe Luke agreed to that. Will Leah work in the store?”

“Nee. Leah can’t…you know Leah.”

“She’s better.”

“Praise Gott.”

“Praise Gott.” She tried to praise Him in all things. If she could only have the answer she wanted on just this one other thing. It didn’t work that way. She squelched a sigh. No whining. “What did my daed say? Will my mudder work too? She never mentioned it.”

“He said your mudder best wait until Jonathan is a little older.” Matthew moved closer. “From the look on his face, I imagine he was thinking of the baby they lost. Ruth was her name, right?”

“Jah. Mudder calls her Ruthie sometimes.” She used to call her that when she got ready to walk down to the cemetery outside Bliss Creek. Not anymore. “She says Jonathan is the last one she’ll have. I think she’s a little sad about that.”

They fell into step, side by side, following a well-worn path along the bank that suggested others had done the same. The pungent smell of grass and mud, of earth, filled the air. She inhaled and felt the strain of the day seep away. Matthew slid his hand through the crook in her arm. His gaze held hers for a second and then he looked up at the thick black night sky carpeted with those sparkling stars that welcomed them to God’s great outdoors. “She has grandchildren to think of with Hiram and Daniel married. It won’t be long before she’ll have more.” He glanced at her again, then away. “Beautiful night, isn’t it?”

“Beautiful.” Struck by the strange, hoarse emotion in his voice, she cast around for something light to talk about. “How’s Molly?”

“She’s fine. She’s got her nose stuck in a book even more now that
she’s working at the library. I think she should take over teaching at the school, she’s so learned.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing.” Matthew had no use for book learning. Adah hadn’t been sad to leave school either, but she liked books because they were full of words. Beautiful words strung together in beautiful sentences that created beautiful pictures in her mind. She knew what drew Molly to them. The same thing that drew her to them. “As long as she earns her keep and still helps around in the house, why do you care?”

“She’ll never find a husband that way.”

“She’s only a year older than us.”

“Exactly.”

“What are you saying? Are you in a big hurry to get married?”

“I guess I am.” Matthew halted, forcing her to do the same. “That’s why I thought we should talk…one of the reasons…I mean I wanted to talk to you.”

Adah’s heart skipped in an uneven, stumbling rhythm. They couldn’t have this talk unless he knew everything about her. It wouldn’t be fair. He had to know who she really was. The part of her she hadn’t shared with him. Or anyone. “I wanted to talk to you too.”

“Do you want to sit down?” He pointed the flashlight at a flat rock a few feet from the shoreline. “Looks dry.”

“I’d rather keep walking.”

He nodded. “You first, then.”

“Nee, you first.” She needed time to gather her thoughts, to make her argument, to let him know she’d stop if that was what he wanted. Even if it broke her heart. Better than breaking the heart of a man who’d done nothing to deserve it.

“We’ve been courting a while now.”

“We have.”

His hand slid down and gripped her wrist. His fingers were so long they wrapped around her thin bones in a complete circle and then some. “We haven’t really talked about what we’re doing.”

“Nee.”

“We’ve spent a lot of time together. We’ve had fun in the last two years.”

“We have.”

His grip tightened ever so slightly. “But you never say anything about…what you feel…if you do feel…for me.”

Adah stopped. Her heart pounded in a
rat-a-tat-tat
so loud she thought he might hear it. This was it. This was everything.

“I care for you. I’ve been thinking about what’s next and I realized I never asked you if you were thinking the same thing. Daed gave me some more news yesterday. He told me he’s giving me forty acres for my own.” Matthew paused as if waiting. He touched her cheek with one finger, letting it trail down her jawline. “Forty acres I can farm for myself. Where I can build a house for my family.”

The feel of his finger on her skin captivated Adah, making it hard to breathe. It reminded her of fingers plucking the strings on a guitar, each note clear and beautiful. She shivered despite the June heat. Swallowing, she opened her mouth. Nothing came out.

Matthew’s gaze shifted to the moon overhead. “I need to know. Do you care for me?”

“I do.” Her voice quivered. She didn’t sound sure, not even to herself. “I think…I mean…I do.”

“
Gut
. I think.” He started walking again, this time without touching her.

“Matthew.” She scurried to keep up. “Wait.”

“We’ve known each other for a long time, but you never seem to let me get closer.” He had his head down as if he studied the path in front of them. “I don’t know what you’re thinking about anything. You joke around, but you don’t tell me anything important to you.”

“We have fun together.” All those singings. The late-night gatherings at the abandoned shed on the Daughertys’ property. The rides in Doo Doolittle’s car. The movies at New Hope’s only movie theater. Three music concerts in two years, all in Springfield. All their shared secrets.

Matthew had done these things for her.

Child’s play that would—must—end soon.

“We do, I’ll give you that. You laugh at my jokes when no one else does.” He slowed his pace but still didn’t look at her. “You’re fun to be around. But there’s more than that. I feel more than that for you. I want to know what you feel.”

“What are you looking for?” Adah knew what was coming. She wanted to stall it. She wasn’t ready for it. She couldn’t settle down, not yet. She still had an itch to scratch, a hankering, an ache where her contentment should be. “What do you want?”

“I want to be a farmer like my daed. I want a fraa. I want to get married and have kinner like my folks did.” His voice cracked a little on the last word. “I want what my mudder and daed have. Don’t you?”

She thought of the way Daed looked at Mudder when she leaned over to set a plate of food in front of him. After all these years. After all they’d been through. After the baby who died. And all that came after. Adah wanted that. Someday. “I do.”

“With me?”

She did. Just not yet. But if she waited too long, Matthew would find someone else. He wouldn’t have to look far. Elizabeth Gringrich would be sitting at his supper table every night. “Jah, I do. I’m just not sure I’m ready yet.”

“I guess that’s my answer.”

He turned. Not thinking, she grabbed his arm. He jerked away and whirled to face her. “I know you like me. You don’t want to grow up. But it’s time you do.”

“I do like you.” She didn’t want what they had to change. “I just don’t know what the hurry is.”

“The hurry? We’ve been courting since we were sixteen.” He shook his head, his face forlorn. “My parents’ house will be overflowing soon. I need to get out on my own. I think that’s what my daed was trying to tell me without sticking his nose in our business. It’s time.”

“I know. I know.”

“It’s the next step after baptism, isn’t it?” He sounded truly bewildered. “Isn’t that one of the reasons you agreed to take the classes this year?”

“I decided to take the classes because…” How could she explain to someone who’d been her friend before they began courting, for years, that she took the classes because she feared the deepening chasm between what she saw the other girls wanting and what she wanted? She’d hoped the classes would help her find her way back. “Because I needed to know more. I needed to be reminded of our beliefs.”

“Like you’d forgotten them? I want to be baptized in September because I choose our faith and our beliefs.” He took a long breath, stopped, and faced her, forcing Adah to halt as well. “I also want to be baptized so I can get married. To you.”

Adah breathed the cool night air, trying to think.
Ready or not, here I come.
The words of the old game rang in her ears. Ready or not. She should be ready. She couldn’t put into words the invisible ropes that seemed to hold her back. She cared for Matthew. She might even love him. She wasn’t sure. She loved her family. She loved her community. She loved God, but she couldn’t understand why He allowed some things to happen. Like letting baby Ruth die in a fire. Ruth had come and gone long before Adah lived and breathed, yet she still felt her sister’s absence like an odd, glancing blow that came out of nowhere when she least expected it.

If Ruth hadn’t died, she’d have a big sister. She wouldn’t be the oldest daughter, the one expected to take care of the home and know just what to do.

Mudder said God had a plan. Adah’s job was to do her best and be a good girl. She tried, she really did, but she didn’t see a plan anywhere in sight that let her be who she was. A girl who loved to write and sing and make music.

That was selfish of her. Her parents weren’t asking her to do anything they hadn’t done themselves. So why couldn’t she say the words? She was afraid. Afraid of missing something. That was silly. She would miss everything if she didn’t tell Matthew what he wanted to hear.

“Let’s just get through the classes and see where we go from there.”

“I know where I want to go.” Matthew’s voice died to a husky, rough whisper. “And I want to go there with you. I love you.”

The words hung in the air between them. Thoughts and words flitted around in Adah’s head.
Say something. Say something.

Her throat ached.

Matthew drew a sharp breath. “I guess that’s my answer.”

“Give me time.”

“You’ve had time.”

She’d never heard Matthew speak with such authority. He sounded…like Daed. She had that to which she could look forward. Moving from Daed’s house to her husband’s house.

“I know, I just don’t see what the hurry is.”

“If you don’t love me, I understand. It’s not something you can make happen.” He squeezed her hand, his fingers tight around hers, and let go. “You still have time. All summer. But I won’t wait forever.”

Chapter 6

A
dah rummaged in her canvas bag for her new spiral notebook with a black cover and selected a nicely sharpened pencil with a full pink eraser. She loved a new point on her pencils and a good eraser too. She’d found a perfect spot in the library’s reading room. A table for two near the nonfiction section. A feeling as close to contentment as she could find these days rolled over her. She could leave all the upheaval in her heart outside on the sidewalk. Matthew’s declaration, his challenge, his ultimatum
.
I love you.
The words flitting around in her head like butterflies trying to take flight, but caught by an ever-tightening net. The airy, quiet room and the nearby overflowing bookshelves calmed her. She breathed in the smell of old paper and dust, the scents soothing.