A Measured Risk (28 page)

“I know you will
,
for I intend to help you.”

Dark desire stabbed straight through to her core.

He tipped her chin up and forced her to look at him. Oh, it overwhelmed her to look into his sympathetic eyes and know he fully intended to carry out his threat. Her bones had liquefied and her legs were shaking from the erotically tinged anticipation.

He held her up. “You want me to help you with this.”

“I-I…”

His stare seemed to strip her to the bone. “You want this, don’t you?”

“Yes.” The word slipped past her lips, stunning her. Even more stunningly, she sensed that she did want his discipline.

He walked with her a few steps to the nearest chair, stopped and let her go. He sat, waiting. She knew what he expected but she couldn’t make that last move.

He touched her hand and pulled on it. “Come, you can do this.”

At his gentle but firm tone, all her muscles unfroze and she dropped across his lap.

Her skirts flew up and cold air kissed her buttocks. She swallowed tightly. She hadn’t expected that so fast. She sobbed so stridently that her whole body trembled with it.

“What? I haven’t even started yet.” He stroked her bare bottom.

“I know
,
but no one has ever laid a hand on me—not like this.” She didn’t recognise her voice, so strained and trembling.

“So the servants spoilt you that badly?”

“Yes.”

“Exactly as it should be. Little girls should never be spanked. They should be spoilt and cosseted.”

His words surprised her. She’d never even thought of him as a potential father. But right now, it was hard not to think about him as a doting and indulgent parent. But sire to whose children? Hers? For a moment, she forgot about what was about to happen.

“However, spanking big girls, well that is whole other matter.” His voice pulled her back into the moment. This trembling, terrible moment. “I shall start now.”

He struck her left buttock. Harder than she’d even imagined. She flinched and sucked the pain inside herself. The next one came right on top of it, harder yet, the pain sharper. She bit her lip, bracing as the third descended. The bright
,
swirling Turkish carpet on the floor grew blurry. No, she wouldn’t—couldn’t cry. The fourth strike came harder yet and she cried out. She breathed in and the sniffling sound mortified her. She held her breath, trying to hold the sobs back. Finally, the last stroke hit. She swallowed mightily, holding herself together.

He pulled her up. “There, it is all over, love, and you did beautifully.”

At his gentle tone, all the sobs tore up through her stomach in convulsive waves. He pulled her into his arms. She pressed her face to his shoulder, helpless as tears claimed her.

“Good girl, my beautiful
,
good girl.” His gently spoken words surrounded her and drove her nearly insane with guilt. She didn’t deserve them.

She pushed away from him. He made a sibilant sound and tried to press her head back to his shoulder.

“You don’t know how very bad I am,” she said, her voice stricken. “I killed William.”

“No, you didn’t.” He didn’t sound at all shocked, as if he’d been expecting her to say this.

“No, no, you don’t understand. He had come to Whitecross Hall and he demanded that I must from then on make my home in Mayfair, with him. He was determined for an heir. He told me this and then he took me to my bed. And it was different that time, than the times before. I almost… I almost… But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t give him that kind of power over me and it made him so angry. He-he called me a cold
-
hearted vixen and he insisted we would leave for Mayfair immediately, even though the baggage carts and our entourage were not ready.”

She drew several shuddering breaths. “We went ahead, even though it was storming. The rain came down too hard, it made it hard to see ahead on the road and water pooled everywhere, too much coming down to run off.”

“He was Cranfield and your husband. He bore a responsibility to behave in a controlled manner and keep you safe,” Ruel said. “It’s not your fault he didn’t.”

“But there’s something else far worse. It’s my fault we didn’t have an heir. I used Greek sponges. He never knew. It was wrong, worse than lying
,
but I didn’t want to bear the child of a man who had closed his heart off to me.”

“Of course you didn’t. It’s in the past, Nan. You must forgive yourself and put it behind you.” He stroked her hair, kissed her hands and murmured senseless endearments.

A tremendous weight lifted from her. Now someone else knew how bad, how evil she had been. No—not just anyone, but Ruel. In addition, he didn’t hold it against her. Eventually her sobs died away.

“Let’s go to bed now,” he said.

She nodded and slipped from his lap, unable to speak. He stood
,
then picked her up. She lay limp and drained in his arms as he carried her to the bed. She allowed him to remove her dress and chemise
,
then remained passive as he rolled her over. He stretched out over her. He’d removed his banyan, for his bare cock touched her, smooth and cool against her burning buttock and fully erect. Even after what had just occurred between them
,
it shocked her. But any further thoughts were wiped away by unbearable lust tearing through her core. Her nub grew painfully firm. She moaned aloud with no thought of what he would think.

“Lift up,” he whispered, deep and strangely tender against her ear. He brushed her hair away and kissed her nape.

She complied and he slipped his hand under her, unerringly finding the pulse of her aching need. He stroked her in soft but firm strokes, increasing the speed, bringing her to completion with breath
-
taking efficiency. Pleasure pulsed through her and left her ticking. Almost instantly, a deeper, more unbearable ache swelled within her. The hunger to feel him thrust deep inside. She moaned with it, arching her hips backwards against him, uncaring of the pain it caused her stinging bottom.

He nipped at her neck and sank two fingers into her. “God, you’re so wet. Shall I fuck you?”

“Yes, yes, oh God, yes.”

“What do I need to hear, Nan?”

“Please, please…”

He laughed softly. “Please what?”

“Please…fuck me, Jon.” She writhed against him, wild with need.

“You’ve got to hold still.” He growled the words.

She held her hips still, fisting handfuls of the coverlet with the effort. He pushed into her with one forceful thrust. Stretched to her limits by his size, she spasmed over and over and over, hugging tight to get the most of the wonderful fullness.

“Christ, you have a hungry little cunt.”

She could only moan and rock her hips.

He grasped them firmly. “I am the one who fucks; you are the one who holds herself still for it.” He took her with savage determination.

Her orgasm bore down on her hard, carried her aloft
,
and she screamed with the pleasure.

He pulled out then pumped against her stomach. The first jet of his seed hit her, warm and wet.

“
God, God, God
.” The fierce jetting of his seed onto her belly punctuated every rasping word. He groaned and fell silent, yet still he kept coming.

Then he collapsed on her, his breath panting in her ear. “You are simply amazing, love.”

”I don’t understand…you were so angry. You punished me.”

He laughed, the sound breathless and harsh. “It’ll be that way every time I punish you.”

“I still don’t understand.”

 
“It’s not something to be understood, only felt and experienced.” He nipped her neck again.

Feeling oddly safe, she let her eyes drift closed.

* * * *

Jon sat drinking tea, looking up as Anne came to the table. Soft
-
eyed and quiet, she offered him a shy smile but he wanted her completely submissive this morning. Therefore he merely nodded to her and continued sipping his tea. She winced as she sat down.

Damn. She was so delicate. He remembered how easily her bottom had turned red under his punishment. There was a very pleasurable way to ensure she stayed in a deeply submissive mood. His cock turned to iron and his hands were on his breeches buttons even as he spoke, “Stand and put your hands on the table.”

Her forehead wrinkled and her teacup dropped to her saucer with a clatter. “But what—have I displeased you?”

“I am not going to punish you, I am going to fuck you.” He took her hand. “Come now, you’re mine and I want you without delay.”

She complied, all sweet and quiet. He pulled her nightdress up and she trembled.

“I am going to fuck you very hard and swift.” He caressed her neck. “You’re not to move. You’re not to make a sound. Do you understand?”

He thrust into her. Her walls hugged him and he tightened his hands on her hips. “Stay still.”

She went completely limp beneath him. Her instant and total submission was gratifying beyond anything he’d known before. He took her fierce and fast with an almost shaking excitement that built all too quickly.

He pulled out and stroked up and down on his shaft, milking every last ounce of sensation out of his orgasm as he spilled his seed on her arse. The violent spasms passed
,
leaving behind a profound satisfaction. He exhaled loudly. He hadn’t come like that since age twenty, when he’d dominated his first woman.

He took his handkerchief from his pocket and wiped her clean of his seed then tossed the cloth aside.

“Good girl,” he said caressing her nape through her wild
,
curling hair. He readjusted his clothing then pulled her skirts down. He placed his hands on her shoulders. “Come here, Nan, I want to talk a while.”

She was quiet as she let him lead her. He sat in his chair then he tugged on her hand. “Kneel here.”

Without a word, she obeyed him, keeping her eyes on the floor. The ink black colour of her hair fascinated him. She put her cheek to his nankeen-covered leg and then she sighed.

 
He smiled to himself. “What did I tell you, Nan? I said you would kneel at my feet and count yourself the luckiest woman alive.”

She said nothing but instead pressed her cheek closer. He caressed her hair, enjoying the silken texture. Then he slipped his hand down to her back. “Are you ready to go and ride the horse today, Nan?”

She nodded.

He felt her increased breathing. “It’s going to be all right. You can do this. The first time will be the worst and after this, it will easier and easier. You’ll see.”

* * * *

Later in the courtyard, Anne waited for the numb, crawling sensations and too
-
quick breathing to begin while Ruel settled her in front of him on Sally. Her buttocks were still slightly sore. The sensation made her feel deeply connected to Ruel. It was strange. But she didn’t reflect on it. When he wrapped his strong arm tight about her waist, she knew nothing could hurt her. The horse moved and Anne stared down at the ground passing by. And the sick sensations of fear didn’t come. Just a certain cautious watchfulness. Nothing she couldn’t live with. She looked up and saw that they were coming around the courtyard, almost back to the cottage.

“Are you doing all right?” he asked.

She turned to him, looked into his hard-boned face, and smiled, feeling her whole heart radiating out to him. He had made this possible. He had coaxed and pushed her until she could do this. She owed him everything.

She heard herself vocalising this to him.

His brows pinched together, a flash of pained expression. “That’s simply not true. You turned control over to me but it was your decision to do so, your courage to trust that allowed this.” He smiled at her and smoothed the hair back from her forehead. “I merely provided a safe place for you to experience being vulnerable and to find your own centre of courage again. But I could never have made you do anything you didn’t want to or weren’t capable of from your own strength.”