A Broken Promise (15 page)

              “I don’t know,” I admitted. “Brad, sometimes life changes unexpectedly. And it’s not something that we can plan. I haven’t done anything to deliberately hurt you…I’ve just…”

              “Fallen in love,” Brad finished. He let out a laugh, pinched the bridge of his nose. “We dated for four years and you were never able to fully admit that you were even the slightest bit in love with me.”

              “I think it’s a different kind of love between us. You’re always going to be important to me. But I don’t think I’m ready for such big commitments. And Keiffer…he’s just fun.” I pushed his hair back from his eyes. “I don’t hate you.”

              “Did you really have sex with him?”

              I rolled my eyes. “That’s just Brenda talking…you know how she is.”

              “Yes, I do,” he admitted. “And she always has the latest gossip. The whole school is talking about it. I don’t know how people are finding out, but they are. And…and…and you never loved me enough to make love with me. I don’t understand.”

              “Maybe it’s not something you need to understand. Maybe you can find forgiveness within yourself and we can start over. As friends.”

              He stood up from the bleacher, towering over me. “I don’t want to be just friends with you, Jenna!” I could tell that he was extremely upset. “I want you. I want you as my girlfriend. I want to go back to what we had.”

              I shook my head, biting my bottom lip nervously. “That’s the past, Brad. It’s over.”

              He took in my face one more time before taking off back down the bleachers. He left me alone in the gym with my thoughts. I was so numb…I couldn’t even cry, though I wasn’t crying as much anymore. Things were going well in my love life, which meant no matter what, Keiffer could always make my problems go away. Life was good…but I still wished that I had Brad by my side also.

              By the time lunch came my sour attitude had already blown off. I was excited to spend the hour with Keiffer before going our separate ways later that day.

              “So, basically I’m going to start off my paper with a quick introduction of you,” I said while taking a bite of my peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Indigo had made me the night before. She had been making double lunches for both Keiffer and me since she found out about my mom leaving. I think it was her way of thanking me for hanging out with her son…though she still didn’t know that he and I were an item.

              Keiffer sat at the table, his eyes looking straight forward. He hadn’t said a word to me since this morning. I knew that the whole Brad thing had probably really bothered him, but I had chosen Keiffer, didn’t I? I was sitting at the corner table with him, being ostracized. Whereas Brad, Brenda, and the rest of my old crew sat on the other side of the cafeteria. Now I could see just how everyone else used to see me. We had been the big, fun table…we were the celebrities. Now I was just another fish in the sea, but I was with Keiffer and that was all that mattered.

              “I kind of want to tell them about your obsession with surfing first,” I laughed. “Maybe open up with the positives only,” I teased. He didn’t even crack a smile. Instead, he kept his eyes straight forward. “Are you okay?”

              He didn’t answer. I placed my hand on his, watching his eyes flick towards me as though he finally woke up from a dream. He didn’t smile, but instead retracted his hand. He took a deep breath, digging into his lunch.

              “Are you okay?” I asked again. “You’ve been distant.”

              He shrugged his shoulders. “Did you get your acceptance letter from Yale yet?”

              I shook my head. “No. However, it should be coming in the mail either today or tomorrow. It doesn’t matter though, I won’t be going without you. And our future is still undecided so right now I’m not sure if I’ll even go.”

              He didn’t say anything again before taking a bite of his own sandwich. “So even if you are accepted and I don’t want to move there, you’re not going to go?”

              “No, I won’t go. I’m not going to lie, I’d like to go… it’s only been my dream since forever! Honestly I don’t see why you wouldn’t be willing to go with me. It’s not like we’d be moving to Cancun. But I was thinking,” I put my sandwich down. “I was thinking that you should move with me. I mean, you don’t have any plans and we could get an apartment together!” I had been thinking about it for a while, but just didn’t tell him yet.

              He shook his head. “No, if I don’t go through with the original plan, then I’ll be moving back to Florida after graduation.”

              “When did you actually decide that?” I asked. I felt a little hurt that he had made plans without even asking me first. We were a couple…we always told each other everything. “We never discussed you actually moving. We’ve been making small plans here and there, but there was nothing actually permanent.”

              “I’ve got a life outside of you,” he said rudely.

              “Well, I know,” I answered shocked. “You don’t have to be mean.”

              “I’m not being mean!” He practically yelled. “You just assumed that you were going to drag me with you as though my future didn’t matter. Jenna, you know my future! You know my plans! My plans don’t include college. My plans don’t even include breathing. I’m not going to move with you.”

              “I thought you were getting medication,” I said through clenched teeth. I hated when he talked like that. Honestly, it scared me. Sometimes he would be fine. He would be happy, full of life. But sometimes something inside of him would just snap and he would become a whole different person. It was days like today that I dreaded.

              “Medication isn’t going to do anything, Jenna!” He stood up from the table. “I’m not going to follow you to the ends of the world. It’s time you start to realize that. I told you from the beginning that I’m not the person you want me to be.”

              “I know who you are,” I piped up. Standing to my feet also, I grabbed his shoulders and brought him in so our foreheads were touching. “You just need to calm down.”

              “Don’t tell me what to do,” he growled. “I think it’s time you get back with Brad.”

              “Brad? You don’t mean that. You’re just cranky. Listen, we’ll go home and relax. Okay? Tomorrow’s a new day…”

              He pushed my hands off his shoulders. “I know you still love him. Stop denying it. There’s nothing going on between you and me.”

              “You say this every time you start to get nervous –“

              “Not this time, Jenna.” He closed his eyes. “This needs to end.”

              I felt my jaw start to drop. “That’s what you say now but then you’ll apologize later. Let’s just skip your feelings right now. Don’t succumb to them.”

              “You’re so annoying!” He hissed. “Don’t follow me.” With that, he stepped around me and fled out of the cafeteria. No one had even looked up from their conversations to watch our little spat. I was so used to these arguments. However, this was the first time in weeks since he actually broke up with me. I knew he was scared, but a piece of me didn’t know how long this depression was going to last. It was always a roller coaster with him. One day he could be completely in love with me, and other days (like today) he could hate my guts.

              I don’t know if it’s even worth mentioning, but Keiffer stopped going to school. It was just like he disappeared. No matter how many times I went to his house, no one ever opened the door. He even had Indigo not answering, which was practically unheard of. By the time Friday came around, I was nearly a mess. Was he ever going to speak to me again?

              I sat at the foot of my locker. Moving felt almost unreal. Maybe, just maybe, today would be the day that he would be coming back to school. I knew that it was almost an unfeasible wish, but I really dreamed that he would walk up to me and apologize. I’d never been this desperate to see him…not even the time when he had missed school for a week a month ago.

              Brad slid down next to me. He didn’t say anything, but instead placed his hand on mine. Clearing his throat, he said something that changed my whole perspective on Keiffer.

              “Your…boyfriend…called me last night.” He took a deep breath, obviously nervous to tell me this. “He said that he…that you guys broke up last Friday.”

              I nodded my head. “Why’d he call you?”

              “I don’t know,” he admitted. “He just said that you would probably need a friend right now. And that friend can be me.”

              I looked over at Brad. “I need to talk to him. We’re not broken up. He’s just in a dark mental state right now. He doesn’t know what he’s saying.”

              Brad took out his phone and dialed Keiffer’s number. “Listen, I’m going to be right around the corner. I don’t want to listen to your conversation.”

              “Thanks, Brad.” I took the phone from his hand before he slipped around the corner. I waited patiently for Keiffer to answer.

              “Hello?” His voice rang through the phone like a bell. However, I could tell that the tone of his voice was darker. There was something going on there that he needed help with.

              “Hey,” I finally said.

              “Neighbor,” Keiffer laughed. “Didn’t think I’d ever hear your voice again.”

              “I’m guessing that that’s what you want,” I snapped. “Why did you call Brad rather than talking to me? When you love someone, you don’t just ignore them.”

              “I’m not exactly ignoring. I’m just breaking up with you before you get too emotionally attached.”

              “Too late for that,” I growled.

              “Yes, I know. That’s why I’m ending it now. It was fun while it lasted. You got enough information about me for the stupid paper, and I’ve got enough about you. We can be civil, but we don’t have to be friends.”

              “I want to be more than friends with you!”

              “Oh, neighbor,” he laughed. I could imagine the stupid grin on his face. “Sometimes you’ve just gotta let go. And that’s what I’m doing. I’m helping you let go.”

              “You’re a jerk, you know that?” I yelled at him through the phone. Several of my peers giggled as they walked by. I probably looked like a mental case.

              “Nothing I’ve never heard before. I’ll be back next week. Bye, neighbor.”

              “Stop calling me that!” I yelled. “You’re being so annoying!”

              “See, and now we’re back to where we were at the beginning. Perhaps if you continue thinking that I’m annoying, you’ll fall out of love with me. Trust me, it worked for me.”

              “You think I’m annoying?” I asked.

              “Bye, neighbor,” he repeated before hanging up the phone. I felt my cheeks grow red with anger. I slammed Brad’s cell phone into his hand. He brought me into a hug, letting me just sit my head numbly on his shoulder. I was getting whipped around by Keiffer’s emotions. He was high one moment, and then low the next. It was like I could never keep up.

              At that moment I realized something…something that I had never known before. Brad was the one who was in my arms at that exact moment. He had been with me through thick and thin up to that point. I was the one who kept pushing him away. Yet, there he was, not even my boyfriend, and allowing me to hug him. He was a good guy…perhaps the good guy for me.

Chapter 13

“She’s not that bad,” Lacey teased on our way back home from school. Ever since I started hanging out with Brad again, she and I became inseparable. I didn’t realize how much I missed our friendship for the two months that I had been obsessed with Keiffer. But that was over now. A new chapter began and I was ready to put him behind me.

It wasn’t like I hated Keiffer. Okay, maybe I did a bit, but it wasn’t like I wanted to stone him or burn him at the stake. No, we were civil. We had begun to argue more in Literature class, but then again, Mr. Thomas always encouraged our little debates. We accepted that we were both living among the world of people and we might as well just come to terms with it.

And, yet, in an odd sense, my heart yearned for him. I’ll admit it, I still got a bit lost in his blue eyes during our debates. I still found a longing to smell his cologne. But that was all in the past. He was the one who broke up with me, not the other way around. However, honestly, it didn’t even seem like he minded my absence from his life at all. When passing in the hallway, never would he notice me. He never said hi at lunch, nor did he even try to get my attention. It was like his memory of me had been wiped clean. And that hurt the most.

Students at school began to treat me like the popular Jenna Horowitz again. Brenda hated it! She hated how I could have been social low and then within just a day I became popular again. But maybe it was just my personality. The student body respected me. Yes, there were rumors that I had been on drugs for the past two months, or that I had killed someone, yet, they all welcomed me back with open arms. That was probably the most amazing thing of all.

“What do you mean she’s not that bad?” I laughed as she pulled the car up the driveway. “Brenda absolutely hates my guts. How are you guys even friends?”

“Well, I definitely wouldn’t call us friends. You’re my friend. She’s just…I don’t know…Brenda Leswill. She doesn’t really control my life like you do,” she laughed. “She’s a bit too intense for me.”

“What? You don’t like us genius children?” I teased back. She turned off the ignition of the car as soon as we were parked in my driveway.

“Ha! You wish!” She joked, unbuckling her seat belt.

As soon as we were walking towards the front door, I noticed Indigo out in her garden. I hadn’t seen her for days. In fact, I hadn’t seen her for eighteen days…the day that I stopped hanging out with Keiffer.

“Hey, Lace, I’ll meet you up in my room.” I handed her the house key before heading over to Indigo. She didn’t seem to notice my presence until a good thirty seconds after I stepped into her yard.

She looked up from her work, squinting her eyes from the sun as she peered in my direction. “Good afternoon, Jenna,” she said nicely. There was something about Indigo that just made her seem like the perfect person. “Haven’t seen much of you lately.” A look of worry ran over her face. She knew.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve gotten busy, with graduation just a little more than a month away.” I wasn’t quite sure exactly why I walked over to her, I just felt the need to. Indigo seemed to be feeling the same awkward tension that I was.

“I bet you’re excited. I heard you’re going off to Yale.”

“I am. Well, I hope to anyway. That’s the plan,” I stated. “I’ll get the acceptance letter soon. It’s been a bit delayed…” My heart pounded when I said that. Nothing was worse than a late letter. The later the letter arrived, – the worst news that was to follow. However, I just needed to see the answer for myself.

“Well, good for you,” she said genuinely. I knew that she truly meant that. “Did you come by to talk to Keiffer?” She asked nervously. “He’s a bit-”

“You don’t have to lie,” I laughed nervously. “I know he’s told you about us.”

“He did,” she admitted. “He’s like that, you know. He pushes people away. Only those of us that he cares about, at least. He’s a good person, he truly is, but sometimes you just have to let him sulk in silence. It’s not easy, sweetie. I know you two had a tight bond.”

I nodded my head, feeling the corners of my lips tug down. Even talking about him was hard. “I miss him. Do you think you can tell him that?”

“Yes, dear, I can.” She gave me her warmest smile. “And I’m sorry that you got yourself emotionally involved with him. He likes you, Jenna. I don’t know if he feels stronger than that about you, but I do know that he cares for you a lot. And seeing you guys not speaking…well, it breaks my heart.”

I was silent, letting her words soak in. “Ms. Lawrence –“

“Sweetie, you know you can call me Indigo,” she laughed.

“Indigo,” I restarted. “Was…was…Keiffer abused as a child by his father? I don’t want to ask anything that would offend you, but I can’t figure out why he would be acting like this.”

Indigo took a long breath, looking up at the sky. I wasn’t quite sure if she had lost her patience with me, or if she were truly thinking. “His father had an addiction…to drugs. He was a nice, caring man when he was sober. Keiffer was practically his shadow,” she laughed. “But when he wasn’t sober…” she shook her head. “He was a whole different person.”

I looked down at my shoes, allowing myself to drink up her response. Should I tell her about Keiffer’s suicide decision? No, he told me not to tell. But maybe it would help save his life? There was a tug of war going on in my head…something that I didn’t enjoy having.

“And, Indigo,” I finally started again. “What will he be doing after high school?”

“Oh, he didn’t tell you? He said he got accepted into Princeton. Can you believe that? My son at Princeton? I knew he was smart, I really did.” She looked overjoyed as she said it. My heart sunk down to my knees. He had been lying to his mother this entire time about his future. He, obviously, didn’t want to tell her the truth about his future.

“What are you doing this weekend?” She asked, hosing down the plants that she just planted.

“Nothing this weekend, but next weekend is prom,” I smiled. Senior prom was something that I had been looking forward to since middle school. It was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life. Well, that’s what all the old 80’s movies used to tell me.

“Oh, that’s right. How did I forget?” She laughed. “Keiffer has been talking about it nonstop –“ She stopped talking, looking into my face. “Oh, I’m sorry –“

“Sorry for what?” I asked curiously.

“Well, I just figured you guys had been making plans to go. He already rented out a tux with a green cumber bun. He said that your dress was the same color…oh, no…I’m sorry, sweetie.”

“It’s fine,” I lied. “Besides, I’m going with someone else. My boyfriend, Brad.” Was he taking someone else to prom? Was Keiffer dating someone else? It felt like the whole world stopped for a second.