Read 4 - Valentine Princess Online

Authors: Princess Diaries 4 1

4 - Valentine Princess (5 page)

BOOK: 4 - Valentine Princess
10.79Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

think it is. Instead, I just pulled it out of my backpack, and handed it to him. And my mom was right!!!!! MICHAEL

TOTALLY  LOVED  IT!!!!!

Of course, it wasn’t just an ORDINARY

Valentine: It was a little book I made, with tear-out coupons for things Michael can ask me to do, like take Pavlov for a walk, or give him a neck massage (Michael, not Pavlov), or kiss him (I put in, like, four of those!!!). All Michael has to do when he wants me to do one of these things is rip out the coupon and hand it to me. Which he did right away (one of

 

the kiss coupons).

So we practically made out at the lunch table until Lars and Tina’s bodyguard, Wahim, started clearing their throats, and Lilly was all, “OH, GOD. GET

A ROOM!”

Mom was right: The point of Valentine’s Day ISN’T what you get, but what you give. TOTALLY. Oh my God, it was so great.

Um, well, except for the part right after that when Boris—I guess inspired by Michael’s reaction Valentine Princess 9 69

to my Valentine—suddenly took his violin out of its case and, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, started

playing “The Music of the Night” from The Phantom of the Opera, inching closer and closer to Lilly, until finally his bow was all up in her face, and we looked at the end of it, and dangling from it was the genuine simulated ruby heart pendant from Kay Jewelers.

And Lilly, instead of being all, “Aw, thanks, Boris, how sweet,” was like, “What’s THIS?” and

“How did THAT get on your bow?”

And Boris finally had to stop playing and be like,

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Lilly. It’s for you. I hope you like it.”

And Lilly was all, “Oh my God, you actually got me that dorky necklace from Kay’s?” with this big smirk on her face.

I couldn’t believe it! Even now it pains me to have to record that my best friend would say something so cruel. Tina went white as a sheet, and Michael looked angry, and poor Boris looked as if he’d been slapped!

70 9 The Princess Diaries

So I went, “Oh my God, Boris, it’s so beautiful!”

and “That was so thoughtful of him, wasn’t it, Lilly?” while kicking her VERY HARD beneath the lunch table.

 

And finally Lilly, after giving me a bunch of dirty looks and going, “What?” like ten times, went,

“Oh. Yeah. Thanks, Boris. That was nice. But, you know, I don’t really approve of gemstones because of the conditions under which the people who mine them in Africa have to live.”

“They’re simulated,” Tina explained to her, in a strangled voice.

And Lilly just went, “Oh.”

But by that time Boris had put his violin away and slunk off.

“Nice job,” Michael said to his sister sarcastically. But Lilly just got all indignant, and went, “Oh, whatever! Like you got your girlfriend anything!”

And Michael was like, “I tell Mia I love her every day. I don’t need some greeting card company reminding me to say it once a year. How often do Valentine Princess 9 71

you tell Boris you care about him?”

And Lilly turned all red and excused herself. But I think Lilly must have apologized, and the two of them have made up already, because Lilly let herself into the supply closet a little while ago, where Boris was practicing, and I haven’t heard a sound out of there ever since.

Still, it was hard to meet Tina’s gaze after that, because she’s been wanting one of those heart necklaces for, like, ever. So I said, to make her feel better, as we were heading back to class, “I’ll come to your Audrey Hepburn movie marathon tonight, Tina, if the invitation is still open.”

And she totally cheered up. Especially when I gave her my Whitman’s Sampler. Because Lilly is right: I really don’t like the cream-filled kind. 72 9 The Princess Diaries

Friday, February 14, French

Michael just caught me in the hall and tried to hand me one of my “Dinner with Mia” coupons.

“Let’s go out tonight,” he said. “For a romantic Valentine’s Day dinner. I know you won’t believe it, but I got reservations at One if by Land, Two if by Sea. I guess they had a

 

cancelation or something.”

He was right. I couldn’t believe it.

And the worst part was, he looked so cute—so handsome and hopeful—standing there with my coupon in his hand, and just the beginning of a five o’clock shadow on his neck.

But I had to say, “I’m sorry, Michael. But I already made plans with Tina. She’s having a Valentine’s Day slumber party, and you never said anything about doing anything together, so I told her I’d go.”

Because no way was I canceling on Tina the way Lana had on Trish. I don’t want any bad karma coming back at ME!

His face fell. “You’re kidding me.”

Valentine Princess 9 73

“Well, you kept going on about how you didn’t even believe in Valentine’s Day, so I just figured—”

“I know!” he said, laughing. “I know, I know!

I’m an idiot, all right? It’s just . . . I’m not used to having a girlfriend.”

SO TINA WAS RIGHT!!!! It wasn’t that

Michael had anything against Valentine’s Day. He’d just never had a reason to celebrate it before!!!

“Listen,” he went on. “Will you go out with me tomorrow night, then?”

“I’d be delighted to,” I said.

“Good,” Michael said gravely, tucking the coupon into my hand. “I’m going to make this one Lupercalia dinner you’ll never forget.”

And I remembered what he’d said about the ancient Roman feast of February 15.

“Maybe Lupercalia will be our private Valentine’s Day,” I said. “From now on.”

“Deal,” Michael said.

 

And kissed me. Right in the hallway. Where Mr. G or Principal Gupta could have seen.

74 9 The Princess Diaries

But I didn’t care, because I was so happy. I’m not going to end up with a Leo—or

KENNY—after all!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ha!!! Take THAT, Dr. Steve!

Valentine Princess 9 75

Friday, February 14, the Plaza

Well, Grandmère’s back. I knew it was too good to last.

When I walked into her suite, I didn’t see her at first, even though I knew she was there because I called ahead this time. It turns out the reason I didn’t see her was because she was stretched out on the couch in a cream-colored peignoir, a Sidecar and ashtray within reach, and her leg in an enormous air cast.

“Oh my God, Grandmère,” I yelled. “What happened to you? Did you get a groin injury, too?”

“For God’s sakes, stop yelling, Amelia,” she said, looking pained. “What are you talking about, groin injury? Haven’t I ever told you princesses don’t talk about groins?”

“Um, sorry,” I said, looking around. But there was no sign of Dr. Steve. Was it possible— were Grandmère and I alone? Well, I mean, except for Rommel, who was curled up next to Grandmère’s non-broken foot. “But what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Grandmère said. 76 9 The Princess Diaries

“Pull up a chair and sit down. Today I want to go over what to do in the event that you are ever trapped in conversation by an autograph seeker. Obviously you don’t want to alienate the person, because as a royal it doesn’t pay to make enemies—even people who are only going to sell your signature on eBay. But it can become frustrating when someone, enamored of your celebrity, won’t shut up. So the excuse to leave that I’ve always found most helpful is the following: I beg your pardon, but I believe I see the Comte de Rosti over there. I simply must go say hello, I haven’t seen him since last season in Biarritz—”

“Grandmère,” I interrupted. Even though

princesses don’t interrupt. “Are you going to tell me what happened to your foot, or not?” Then I suddenly remembered something. And my blood went cold. “Oh my God, Grandmère! Dr. Steve was right! He predicted that you were going to sustain a grievous bodily injury!”

Which meant he might be right about his

OTHER predictions as well—like that I’m going to end up with a LEO after all!!!! Oh, no!

Valentine Princess 9 77

But then Grandmère said, in a scathing tone,

“Dr. Steve! Never mention that name to me again!”

“But, Grandmère!” I actually felt kind of sick. Because if Grandmère actually HAD sustained a grievous bodily injury, then what were the chances that Dr. Steve’s prediction about me was going to come true as well????? “He said—”

“I sustained this injury FLEEING from that man’s odious advances!” Grandmère cried.

“Imagine my horror when, after inviting him up for coffee and petits fours following his performance on that nice Mr. Letterman’s television show, that socalled doctor suddenly began insisting he had feelings for me! Romantic feelings! I told him he had to be mistaken—that he was confusing his gratitude for all that I had done for him with love. But he wouldn’t believe me! He kept clinging to my hand and talking about how happy we two were going to be when we were married and living in Genovia!”

I had to try really hard to keep a straight face.

“Well, Grandmère,” I said. “I mean, you two have been spending an awful lot of time together this 78 9 The Princess Diaries

week. You can understand if the guy thought maybe there was more to it than simple friendship—”

“Amelia!” Grandmère looked horrified. “Are you joking? I’m a princess, and he’s . . . he’s . . .

a commoner! Of all the impertinence! I have never in my life heard of anything so ridiculous! Of course I told him so at once, but the impudent cuss thought I was playing hard to get! He actually tried to kiss me, Amelia!” Grandmère had to take a sip of her Sidecar to fortify herself before she could go on. Meanwhile, I was trying so hard not to

laugh, tears were practically streaming down my face.

“Well, of course I slapped him for his insolence,”

Grandmère explained. “And what do you think he did? Seized me by the arms and told me I light a fire in him unlike any other woman he has ever known. As if I haven’t heard that line before! The horrible man couldn’t think of an original thing to say if his TROUSERS were exploding! Of course I screamed for Raoul”—Raoul is Grandmère’s bodyguard—“and he came rushing in, but not before I’d managed to break free myself. But then I accidentally tripped Valentine Princess 9 79

over poor Rommel, who was trying frantically to come to my rescue. Which is how I broke my toe. I’m going to have to speak to Gucci about this season’s kitten heels; they are simply too high. . . .”

“Still,” I said, struggling not to crack up. “The guy was right about two of his predictions .

. . you did sustain grievous bodily harm, and a man did propose to you. . . .”

Grandmère gave me a very sour look. “I suppose you think you’re amusing. Well, you might as well make yourself useful, and go and get me some Tylenol. And fix me another Sidecar, this one’s gone warm. . . .”

I got up to do as Grandmère asked. I figured it was the least I could do, since she’d been through so much. True, most of it was her own fault . . . but there are lots of different kinds of Valentines, and I figured that mine to Grandmère would be that I would never speak of Dr. Steve to her—or anyone else—ever again.

And to tell you the truth, this seemed to suit Grandmère even better than a heart-shaped box of chocolates or a simulated ruby heart pendant. 80 9 The Princess Diaries

Friday, February 14, 8 p.m., limo on the way to Tina’s

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tonight as I was getting my stuff together to go to Tina’s, I heard this weird tapping noise. ON MY

 

WINDOW.

At first I thought it was a pigeon. But then I looked out and got the scare—and delight— of my life:

MICHAEL  WAS  ON  MY  FIRE  ESCAPE!!!!

I couldn’t believe it! I ran over to the window and f lung it open and was like, “WHAT ARE YOU

DOING HERE???? WHY ARE YOU ON THE

FIRE ESCAPE???? WHY DIDN’T YOU RING

THE  DOOR  BUZZER  LIKE  A  NORMAL

PERSON?????”

But he just smiled and said, “It’s more romantic this way.”

“But how did you even get out there?” I

demanded. Because Lars worked really hard at securing the entrance to our building’s courtyard, Valentine Princess 9 81

which is what my bedroom looks out over, so that no one could do what Michael had—crawl up to my window via the fire escape.

Michael smiled even more and said, “Your neighbor Ronnie let me out here. Now stop talking. I know you have to go to Tina’s in a minute, but I wanted to give you your Lupercalia gift before you leave. I realize it’s a day early, but I couldn’t wait.”

And that’s when he picked up his guitar

and there, in the light from the security lamp, he serenaded me with “our song”—the one he wrote about me, “Tall Drink of Water,” which goes:

 

Tall drink of water

Can’t say how much you want her How long you’ve tried to stay cool But she doesn’t even see you Wait for her in the lobby

Your knees are getting wobbly 82 9 The Princess Diaries She glides by in her pink dress Towers over all the rest Hands starting to get sweaty You really think you’re ready

To take a little walk over there Tell her how much you care What will you say now

Will she make your day now She looks this way now Get moving, don’t delay now

You think you’re ready for your close-up But she’s not China doll made-up Or a picture-perfect teacup

She’s more real than any girl you’ve ever seen You’re not gonna make it But this is it, you just can’t fake it

 

She’s the girl who makes your heart sing Means more to you than anything

Valentine Princess 9 83

She’s a tall drink of water

Can’t say how much you want her

How long you’ve tried to stay cool

But she doesn’t even see you

And it was the best Valentine I ever got. 84 9 The Princess Diaries

June 5, 9 p.m., private jet to Genovia

ME, A PRINCESS???? YEAH, RIGHT.

A Screenplay by Mia Thermopolis

(first draft)

Scene 45

INT/NIGHT—A girl (sixteen-year-old MIA THERMOPOLIS), trembling on the verge of womanhood, sits in a sumptuous leather seat aboard a luxurious private jet. She has just finished reading the contents of a black-and-white Mead composition notebook. She closes the notebook, looks up, and sighs. MIA

BOOK: 4 - Valentine Princess
10.79Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

Henry's Sisters by Cathy Lamb
Cyador’s Heirs by L. E. Modesitt, Jr.
Con los muertos no se juega by Andreu Martín y Jaume Ribera
The Lace Reader by Brunonia Barry
Man of Destiny by Rose Burghley
The Madonna of Notre Dame by Alexis Ragougneau, Katherine Gregor
I, Row-Boat by Cory Doctorow